And then...

She smiles so sweetly so the whole world will think she's just fine. She laughs so the spaces are filled so they can't wonder what's behind her eyes. She stands so tall so no one can see, she's falling. She runs, from all the feelings she's scared of submitting to. Nothing was stopping her from falling into a place not a single soul could reach...and then...him.

She is a Saboteur...

It's a scary thing to look inside yourself.

When the long corridors of your heart lead to little rooms with the label fear on the door, you know you shouldn't open the door. But you do, and you are overwhelmed with an emotion you can't turn off, can't ignore.

When the things that you thought you had forgotten still haunt you. Times and people, places and things. You thought you had shut them out, left them behind... but they are forever a part of you for better or worse.

When no matter how long you hide, they will always find you. Always creep back into your head. Self doubt, fear, pain, your inner saboteur... just waiting patiently.

LIMITS!

I have come to the conclusion that not just beauty, but reality itself, lies in the eye of the beholder. Reality is what we use to determine what is possible and what is impossible, what we can and cannot do, who we can and cannot be, and many other facets of life that really have no limitations at all.

We are only limited by what we set as our limits.

I am.

I am a dream archiver. A wish collector. An alter-ego that exudes happiness. I am a dream for greatness that may never happen, A cry for importance that few choose to hear. I am half of a soul, hoping against hope to find the other half. I am the smile through the tears, I am the shooting star in the night. I am hope, I am faith. I am that part that resides inside of you that you fear for others to see. I am love.


<3 LT

Disappointment

In the background of my mind you are always patiently waiting

Keeping tabs on my happiness... making sure I'm not overly comfortable

Watching every word written, hearing every whisper said

Every passing kiss and fleeting hope that love exists

Quietly waiting, peeking out from the shadowy corner you've used to conceal yourself

Hiding so patiently, expecting me to let my guard down and believe, for but a moment

Maybe I could be special

Keeping track of the ones that I'm so quickly discarded for

Counting the moments spent or planned with others, forsaking the time we've spent

Smiling, always smiling to do my duty as the strong one... the strong one

In the back of my mind you are always patiently waiting

Waiting for me to think that someday there could be more

Watching to see how I react to the abomination you're allowing yourself to become

Until one day, one disappointing day in my mind

You will be patiently waiting no more.

I need a love

... that hurts when I hurt
laughs when I laugh
is sad, when I am sad.

I need a love as honest, as I am honest
as giving, as I am giving
as warm, as I am warm.

I need a love that is willing to sacrifice, as I have sacrificed
forgive, as I have forgiven
love fiercely, as I have loved.

Promises

Goals, hopes, dreams... dim memories
Blown away with promises broken.
Dark saddened eyes. Blurred with tears.
Empty except for the painful scars love boune; loves history.

No brightly lit hope envisioned. Futures crumble when hope is lost.
Hurt souls partitioned. Swooned by appeal and haunted by past.
Numbness lured.
Apologies made, never brought.
Uncertainty swirling. Security missed; Price paid turned out to be far more costly.

One wish, for release? Of crimes or punishment.
Words written, spoken, promises made.
Promises broken.