Jordan

constant passion,

instant regret,

a different world began,

 when our eyes first met.

love is cruel and love is kind.

and love is grand,

even in the traces left behind.

love can hurt, but love can heal.

so me and you, lets make a deal.

i promise not to hurt you.

i promise to be kind.

i promise you'll be the only one,

forever on my mind.

this, you can take and keep.

hold it dear.

as long as you promise me,

to love me back,

from year to year.

Imperfect

Beauty fades. I want to be loved for my imperfections. In a perfect world we would all love and embrace ourselves for who we are and how we were made. I want someone who thinks I am sexy in my pj's with no makeup on. I want someone who loves the flaws of my body as much or more than the things more near what "men" deem acceptable. They are me. I am imperfect. If I must be judged, judge me by my heart and soul, not the size of my bust. Judge me by the things I have done for others and what I have given of myself to improve the world. Not how much I do or do not fit society's unrealistic idea of a woman. Judge me by my sincerity, my kindness.  My faithfulness and what kind of person I am. Not how much my body differs from your twisted version of ideal. The beauty I hold comes from my heart, not my body. And if you don't love my imperfections, then you could never love me. I am imperfect. I want to be loved for my imperfections. THAT is real love

But I smile

I've done so well at being brave. So many people look at me, saying they're sorry. Waiting for me to break. But I smile. Just like always. Assure them I'm fine, and making it through the day. For a while I even had myself fooled into thinking that was true. I may not have stumbled, but I've never quit falling. Until tonight. I hit the ground. Nobody around. Starts with one tear. I don't want you to see me like this. This is the moment I can't stop. It had to happen, for me to be ok. Force myself to look at the memories. Hear the words over and over again. Those were some beautiful times. I refuse to believe they were my only happy times. Is it wrong for me to think sometimes that they could be? So I guess it's time,  better pick myself up and put that smile back on my face.

And then...

She smiles so sweetly so the whole world will think she's just fine. She laughs so the spaces are filled so they can't wonder what's behind her eyes. She stands so tall so no one can see, she's falling. She runs, from all the feelings she's scared of submitting to. Nothing was stopping her from falling into a place not a single soul could reach...and then...him.

She is a Saboteur...

It's a scary thing to look inside yourself.

When the long corridors of your heart lead to little rooms with the label fear on the door, you know you shouldn't open the door. But you do, and you are overwhelmed with an emotion you can't turn off, can't ignore.

When the things that you thought you had forgotten still haunt you. Times and people, places and things. You thought you had shut them out, left them behind... but they are forever a part of you for better or worse.

When no matter how long you hide, they will always find you. Always creep back into your head. Self doubt, fear, pain, your inner saboteur... just waiting patiently.

LIMITS!

I have come to the conclusion that not just beauty, but reality itself, lies in the eye of the beholder. Reality is what we use to determine what is possible and what is impossible, what we can and cannot do, who we can and cannot be, and many other facets of life that really have no limitations at all.

We are only limited by what we set as our limits.

I am.

I am a dream archiver. A wish collector. An alter-ego that exudes happiness. I am a dream for greatness that may never happen, A cry for importance that few choose to hear. I am half of a soul, hoping against hope to find the other half. I am the smile through the tears, I am the shooting star in the night. I am hope, I am faith. I am that part that resides inside of you that you fear for others to see. I am love.


<3 LT