Love Exists

Sometimes I stare at this endless abyss that is known as life and I feel that there is no end. No end to the lies, the deceit, to the falseness that individuals reek of. No end to the hate, to the dolefullness of this world. I see the pain, the ravaged souls of the loveless walking around like a hollow shell. But sometimes, some rare times... I see someone who has emerged from the emptiness. A soul not left unblemished, not left without some disfigurement but who, at their core, are still enchanted at some level by the idea that love exists.

She smiles...

She smiles your way

Holds onto her breath

Afraid you'll take it away.

You don't even know

Exactly how she feels

Every time she has to go.

And when she looks in your eyes

She begs everytime that

Your words aren't just lies.

Because she can't help but shiver when you call her name.

And she waits all alone for a chance to be yours.

She wants to give you so much more than her broken heart.

But it's all she has and it's yours to take.

If you just have a little faith in her.

They never stay long

All the girls you know.

Love and life can't be all wrong.

And she stands in place

Telling you it's okay.

She reads the signs on your face.

And when you look in her eyes

There's something inside you

That makes it hard to say goodbye.

When you wake to see they've all left you alone.

Lift your eyes to see her blue eyes crying for your pain.

She's here, she's ready, she needs you.

I need you.

Because I can't help but shiver when you call my name.

And I wait all alone for a chance to be yours

I want to give you so much more than my broken heart.

But it's all I have, and it's yours to take

Just have faith in me.

Believe me, I'm not her.

Believe this, I know you.

One More Time

with eyes shut tight, I begin to let my words form. so scared of reactions, of unsatisfaction. a lifetime stuck in a moment, my breath stands still in my lungs. this time has to be different. no misleading or deceiving. only pure and honesty intwind with sighs and frailty.  exposed truly I am. I don't want you to want me any other way. Time says move to the next day. I wanna hear what you hear when the noise dies away. contemplate the dates of fate. mark your calender for heartbreak. which line threw you away?

Lip Sync

Placed on the couch was her reason for goodbye and her breaking heart. Placed infront of it, was the angel that sung her pain. Lets take deep breaths, put on a brave smile, and place our time in the Lords hands. Send a tearful prayer to the sky, cover our eyes for just a moment. Long enough to reflect on yesterdays. Move lips in motion with the song. what more can she do so he knows what he means? She's spent time on her knees, yelling her confused, unwilling sorrow. she's gone through the phases. Now she knows, this is just how it has to be. but what does that change? i don't think it could. hold on tight while you can, then be brave young girl, and know this goodbye, is just an 'I'll be seeing you'. and then you have to move on.

"And I'm gonna be, somewhat lonely. Cuz you know no one could ever fill your shoes. As iron sharpens iron, you have taught me how to be a stronger man, and I look forward to the day I learn again."

Helping Me Stand

A drive down a so familiar road. We could take it with our eyes closed. And this time, I do. I know you're there next to me, I can hear you're breathing. But I cannot open my eyes to look at you. I'm too afraid. I do not want to see me. Not in the rearview mirror. I feel you take my hand. That's when one tear finds it's way from the confusion in my heart, and down my face. I hear  your words but cannot quite comprehend. Your hand wraps tighter around mine. Then I understand. "Open your eyes. Be brave. Be beautiful. Cry. Then smile. To love is to hurt. But love never ends. Just the ideas of who you love." I can open my eyes. And look at you. Look ahead. Remember the rest. My darling friend, we drive on.

Shush

Some days... the noise overwhelms me as I try to go thru life not faded, un-jaded by the things that happen so abruptly, leaving me so untrusting. Can't take back a single part, of my heart. No matter how much it hurts, that it never works. The time in transition, leaves me wishing. Go back to the start, right before the part where I made my misguided reaction to our instant attraction and made the choice when I said in a passive voice... I'm yours.

Green Eyes Don't Cry

keep your green eyes to the ground. do not cry. when they speak, smile so pretty. isn't that what you've learned? Do not tell them of your sorrow. Do not tell your heart. and do not cry. the voice that has calmed and reasoned all that lays you down to sleep is distant, quiet, fading. and that's what we are. fading fragments of this colorful picture. A light dims in your eyes, but do not, please, do not cry. laughter is a slap in the face. but swallow it as if it is comfort. your first mistake, was raising those green eyes to the day. they are now searching for him. you wont find him. everything falls to you. wear it well. no ears, no words, no mind, no hands to press upon. so lie still. hold wounds. sigh at physical pain. and cry. cry tears from green eyes. just to complete the routine. cry. 

Jordan

constant passion,

instant regret,

a different world began,

 when our eyes first met.

love is cruel and love is kind.

and love is grand,

even in the traces left behind.

love can hurt, but love can heal.

so me and you, lets make a deal.

i promise not to hurt you.

i promise to be kind.

i promise you'll be the only one,

forever on my mind.

this, you can take and keep.

hold it dear.

as long as you promise me,

to love me back,

from year to year.

Imperfect

Beauty fades. I want to be loved for my imperfections. In a perfect world we would all love and embrace ourselves for who we are and how we were made. I want someone who thinks I am sexy in my pj's with no makeup on. I want someone who loves the flaws of my body as much or more than the things more near what "men" deem acceptable. They are me. I am imperfect. If I must be judged, judge me by my heart and soul, not the size of my bust. Judge me by the things I have done for others and what I have given of myself to improve the world. Not how much I do or do not fit society's unrealistic idea of a woman. Judge me by my sincerity, my kindness.  My faithfulness and what kind of person I am. Not how much my body differs from your twisted version of ideal. The beauty I hold comes from my heart, not my body. And if you don't love my imperfections, then you could never love me. I am imperfect. I want to be loved for my imperfections. THAT is real love

But I smile

I've done so well at being brave. So many people look at me, saying they're sorry. Waiting for me to break. But I smile. Just like always. Assure them I'm fine, and making it through the day. For a while I even had myself fooled into thinking that was true. I may not have stumbled, but I've never quit falling. Until tonight. I hit the ground. Nobody around. Starts with one tear. I don't want you to see me like this. This is the moment I can't stop. It had to happen, for me to be ok. Force myself to look at the memories. Hear the words over and over again. Those were some beautiful times. I refuse to believe they were my only happy times. Is it wrong for me to think sometimes that they could be? So I guess it's time,  better pick myself up and put that smile back on my face.

And then...

She smiles so sweetly so the whole world will think she's just fine. She laughs so the spaces are filled so they can't wonder what's behind her eyes. She stands so tall so no one can see, she's falling. She runs, from all the feelings she's scared of submitting to. Nothing was stopping her from falling into a place not a single soul could reach...and then...him.

She is a Saboteur...

It's a scary thing to look inside yourself.

When the long corridors of your heart lead to little rooms with the label fear on the door, you know you shouldn't open the door. But you do, and you are overwhelmed with an emotion you can't turn off, can't ignore.

When the things that you thought you had forgotten still haunt you. Times and people, places and things. You thought you had shut them out, left them behind... but they are forever a part of you for better or worse.

When no matter how long you hide, they will always find you. Always creep back into your head. Self doubt, fear, pain, your inner saboteur... just waiting patiently.

LIMITS!

I have come to the conclusion that not just beauty, but reality itself, lies in the eye of the beholder. Reality is what we use to determine what is possible and what is impossible, what we can and cannot do, who we can and cannot be, and many other facets of life that really have no limitations at all.

We are only limited by what we set as our limits.

I am.

I am a dream archiver. A wish collector. An alter-ego that exudes happiness. I am a dream for greatness that may never happen, A cry for importance that few choose to hear. I am half of a soul, hoping against hope to find the other half. I am the smile through the tears, I am the shooting star in the night. I am hope, I am faith. I am that part that resides inside of you that you fear for others to see. I am love.


<3 LT

Disappointment

In the background of my mind you are always patiently waiting

Keeping tabs on my happiness... making sure I'm not overly comfortable

Watching every word written, hearing every whisper said

Every passing kiss and fleeting hope that love exists

Quietly waiting, peeking out from the shadowy corner you've used to conceal yourself

Hiding so patiently, expecting me to let my guard down and believe, for but a moment

Maybe I could be special

Keeping track of the ones that I'm so quickly discarded for

Counting the moments spent or planned with others, forsaking the time we've spent

Smiling, always smiling to do my duty as the strong one... the strong one

In the back of my mind you are always patiently waiting

Waiting for me to think that someday there could be more

Watching to see how I react to the abomination you're allowing yourself to become

Until one day, one disappointing day in my mind

You will be patiently waiting no more.

I need a love

... that hurts when I hurt
laughs when I laugh
is sad, when I am sad.

I need a love as honest, as I am honest
as giving, as I am giving
as warm, as I am warm.

I need a love that is willing to sacrifice, as I have sacrificed
forgive, as I have forgiven
love fiercely, as I have loved.

Promises

Goals, hopes, dreams... dim memories
Blown away with promises broken.
Dark saddened eyes. Blurred with tears.
Empty except for the painful scars love boune; loves history.

No brightly lit hope envisioned. Futures crumble when hope is lost.
Hurt souls partitioned. Swooned by appeal and haunted by past.
Numbness lured.
Apologies made, never brought.
Uncertainty swirling. Security missed; Price paid turned out to be far more costly.

One wish, for release? Of crimes or punishment.
Words written, spoken, promises made.
Promises broken.